okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
