theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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