Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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