just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize