My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
