update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
