Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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