I feel great
I just peed on a car
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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