i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
