I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
