i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
