You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
