I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
