he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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