just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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