i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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