the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I believe in your delicious
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
