help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
