if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
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