I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
