remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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