Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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