Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
