I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
