I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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