quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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