Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
