No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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