i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
