Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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