she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
