please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
