My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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