So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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