Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
