OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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