well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
