i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
