For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
