you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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