Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
