i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize