I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
