So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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