yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
