im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
