my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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