I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
