So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
