so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
