Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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