Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
