1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
