do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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