She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
