i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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