I think my vagina is haunted
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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