I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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