do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
