Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
