we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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