I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
