I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
