So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I could fuck to npr.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
