Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
