Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
