Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
