Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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