Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
