i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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