what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
