My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
