You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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