dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
