well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize