whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
