Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
