Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize