I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
