Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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