The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
