you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
