1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
