i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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