I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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