You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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