So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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