Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
