So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
