we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
