He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Are we still banned from the library?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize