I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
