Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
