Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
