so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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