Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
