All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
