Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
