Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
